Jewelry, clothing and shoes may be on women's wish lists, but an author says sexual confidence should also be something they hope to give themselves.

Shannon Etheridge, author of "The Sexually Confident Wife: Connecting With Your Husband Mind, Body, Heart, Spirit," writes that women should reclaim their confidence in the bedroom and reconnect with their men on every level.

Etheridge, who is also a counselor, believes this is a woman's right and provides a roadmap on how to do it in a book that includes assessments and checklists to help women on this quest.

She says on her Web site that she wants married women to engage in sensual pleasure without an ounce of inhibition, guilt or shame. She laments that women who grew up with the message "Good girls don't" sometimes don't learn that good girls do and should enjoy doing it with their husbands.

She stresses that it is important for women not to burn the candle at both ends because this is a sexual confidence buster. Other busters include neglecting personal hygiene, wearing granny panties and fearing intrusive children.

"Climb into bed looking frumpy, and you're going to feel frumpy," she writes. "There's too many cute and comfy camis and shorts and nighties these days to go to bed looking like your grandma."

As for children, she says that it is OK for them to be able to tell that their parents have an active sex life, because it helps them see it as a healthy part of marriage.

Sexual Layers

Etheridge writes that understanding her sexual layers will also help a woman build sexual confidence.

The layers include physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.

For women, the spiritual level is the deepest of the layers. She says physical is the most superficial.

"Anyone can touch our bodies, and many men seem eager to do so. A mental connection is somewhat more fulfilling, as he sparks our imagination and stimulates us intellectually with deep conversations," she writes. "An emotional connection is even better, as our heart is stirred and drawn in his direction because of his obvious care and compassion for us. But a spiritual connection is the ultimate sexual experience."

Etheridge writes about 10 steps toward sexual freedom. They include admitting that your sexual identity needs reshaping, making a list of romantic pursuits, forgiving others and forgiving yourself. She also offers tips on healing from sexual abuse.

Judy McGuire, relationship editor for BettyConfidential.com, says being confident in the bedroom should be every woman's goal.

"A lot of us are still hung up on being the 'good girl.' Even though that's still a fairly antiquated notion, it's still lingering. Sex outside of marriage is still thought of as naughty to a certain extent -- which makes it more fun in my opinion -- and a lot of women aren't comfortable with that," McGuire says.

But confidence in life and sexual confidence with your husband aren't necessarily the same thing, Etheridge says.

"Confidence in one area of life doesn’t automatically equate to confidence in every area of life. Sadly, some women have never learned how to communicate effectively, with their husbands or with other women, about any lack of sexual confidence they may be experiencing. Rather than risk the appearance of not having it all together in the bedroom, many choose to suffer in silence or pretend that their sexuality simply isn’t that important," she says.

Celebrate Yourself

She adds that along with changing one's attitude, there are a few ways to boost confidence outside the bedroom that could lead to satisfaction in the bedroom.

"Quit focusing on your flaws and, instead, start to appreciate the good bits. Know that whether or not you have a man in your life, you can have a fantastic life," she says. "Embrace being alone. Accomplish things outside of the bedroom and the confidence that you acquire there will carry over."

Additionally, McGuire, who is the author of "How Not To Date," says that women should not compare themselves to other women.

"As you get older, you realize there's always going to be someone cuter, skinnier, less wrinkly than you, but there's also someone hotter, buffer, less wrinkly than your man," she says. "We need to quit worrying about our flaws and start celebrating our uniqueness."

Etheridge also thinks supposed imperfections don't matter.

"You don’t have to like every single thing about yourself to be a sexually confident wife. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a size 2 or 22, it’s all about your attitude, not your size or shape," she says. "Just believe your husband when he tells you that he loves your body and take great pride in sharing it with him."

If a woman is in a committed relationship, McGuire suggests discussing sex openly.

"Men generally like to talk about sex and most will be open to trying new things, especially if they think it'll help you enjoy sex more and more often," she says. "Dudes dig the quantity, so speak up."