I've received a few letters from restaurant employees about a disturbing trend they've noticed of late: a lack of proper tipping etiquette.

While I've never had the grace or patience with most humans to be a waiter, I've put in plenty of time in the back of the house and seen the kind of lives those poor sots in white shirts lead. It's not something I think I could handle for even one night, let alone a career.

Your average waiter or waitress has to be part telepathic, able to anticipate your wishes and have them fulfilled before you grow impatient. They have to have an encyclopedic memory of what's available in the kitchen and what off-the-menu tricks the kitchen staff is capable of to comply with your culinary demands. They have to have the arms of Atlas and the balancing skills of a Wallenda tightrope walker to carry your dinner tray through a crowded dining room full of hurtling kids and adults who don't watch where they're going. Add a marathon runner's legs to that physical package to enable them to perform the same feat for eight or 10 hours at a stretch.

Oh, and don't forget their skills as diplomats, when you start criticizing the food made by cooks and chefs who are their friends off-hours and making assumptions about everything from the cleanliness of the kitchen to the mental abilities of the staff therein.

And then you finish your meal, pay your check and leave. And don't leave a tip.

Maybe your rationale is that you paid a good chunk of money for your meal, and thus the server must be making good wages. Maybe you just forgot. Maybe you're just a jerk.

You should know that most waitstaff make low hourly wages because it's assumed that their tips will "even things out." During my last restaurant stint, the servers made half of the minimum wage ... and that was perfectly legal because of their tip income.

Whatever the excuse, on behalf of my white-shirted brethren in the front of the house, I respectfully request that you KNOCK IT OFF.

I've dined with friends who looked at the bill and squeaked that they didn't bring (or budget) enough for a tip. Before you ever leave the house, you should know the price range of the restaurant you're going to and make sure you've got enough along for at least a 15 percent gratuity. For those of you, like me, who are math-challenged, the easy way to remember this is $1.50 per $10 of the bill. So if you spend $30 on dinner, plop down a five-spot and beat the curve by a couple percent.

Now, I fully understand that sometimes you get poor service. I've had it happen myself! Just as in any profession, there will be some waitstaff who are poorly trained, have bad attitudes or are just flat bad at what they're doing. In that case, you would of course be justified in altering your tip. I usually have a word with the manager to voice my concerns, also; but not everyone is comfortable doing that.

If the place where you're eating is a national chain, it more than likely has a national customer satisfaction hot line of some sort. Make sure to take note of your server's name, the location of the restaurant and the time of your visit. Restaurants, at least ones that succeed, know that one happy customer can bring in 10 more, but one angry customer can drive off 100.

In the main, though, I've found restaurant waitstaff to be some of the most competent, on average, of any group of workers. It's just not a job you stay in long if you're no good at it. So keep the good servers around for the rest of us and tip them well!

News From The Vegan Front

Loyal readers will be well aware that, diet or no, I am a first-class omnivore with a decided bent toward the carnivorous. Very few things make me happier than being presented with a large, well-cooked (but not well-done!) slab of beef, well-roasted pork or other meaty delicacy.

So when I learned that my best chum on the copy editing staff here, Maggie Tacheny, was a vegan, I immediately thought, "Great! More meat for me at the company barbecue!"

Kidding aside, Maggie (or "Sprouty," as I've nicknamed her) has proved herself to be something of a culinary innovator. Coming from a carnivorous family, she's had to be creative in order to contribute to family potluck suppers and not be relegated to that lowest of all roles: bringing the soda and napkins.

Recently, she told me that she was making ice cream. Instantly, my heart leaped! I'd won another convert away from the Way of Green. Soon, I'd have her chowing down on ribeyes and buffalo wings.

My joy was unfounded, though. What she referred to was a vegan concoction: coconut-milk ice cream. I was most dubious. I couldn't imagine that anything approaching a passable ice cream could be made without plenty of delicious butterfat along for the ride.

However, she reported that the confection in fact came out quite edible, and was devoured with great relish by her meat-loving family members. Who knows? Maybe I'LL end up being the one converted.

Not bloody likely.

But, for those of you, like me, always open to new culinary adventures, here's the simple recipe, which Maggie reports came from "Real Vegetarian Thai," by Nancie McDermott.

Coconut Ice Cream

2 14-oz. cans (about 3 ½ c.) unsweetened coconut milk
1 c. sugar
½ tsp. salt

In a heavy saucepan, combine the coconut milk, sugar and salt. Place over medium-high heat and bring to a boil, stirring often to dissolve the sugar and salt. Remove from heat and pour into a bowl.

Cover the bowl and refrigerate until very cold, about 2 hours. Freeze in an ice cream maker and serve at once, or transfer to an airtight container and store in the freezer for up to 3 weeks.

Got a topic you'd like to see covered? A question? A compliment? A big, juicy tip? Just drop me a line, anytime!