As my wedding approaches and the RSVP deadline looms, some of my closest friends are making more important decisions than what to wear.

Erin is debating breaking up with her boyfriend and using the wedding as her deadline to keep him or ditch him.

Seeing a close friend take the step to the altar -- and the constant flow of wedding invitations from other friends -- has her feeling hurried to make her own commitments.

While her boyfriend is sure about her, she's definitely not sure about him. He talks about marriage; she's still wondering what she wants to do with her life.

Part of her is hanging on to the relationship because she doesn't want to start over. One more breakup means one more failure, and she thinks time is running out to find that one true love other people keep snatching up.

Every time I've broken up, the scariest part was going back to the beginning. "Will I ever find someone who loves me like he did? Will I be alone -- so very, very alone?" I thought.

But when you're in your late 20s, like Erin, and your friends are finding husbands and wives, looking for new love involves more pressure than it did before.

No matter how young we women actually are, there is that nagging concern that the men will soon be married off and we will become regulars at singles events, talking to men who we would never consider otherwise.

Somehow, a toupee or overbite becomes more attractive than it should.

Guys have the same problem. When my fiance broke up with his last girlfriend, he heard criticisms that he was being frivolous when he should be making a deeper commitment at that point in his life.

It's certainly not desperate to keep options open and focus on a career or school or just yourself, but go-getters like Erin want it all. And they want it now. If others can figure out who or what they want out of life, what's wrong with her?

I felt that urgency in my last relationship. He was the best I'd ever known, and I wanted some magical sign that it was right. I wanted to finally have found him, to start my official adult life, because I thought I should be ready at that point.

But the more I fought with myself for him to be the one, the sicker and less adult-like I felt.

After months of debate and discussions with friends, I moved on and gave up on making him the one. It was painful, but I learned quickly that leaving a not-quite-right relationship is the way to go.

Soon after, it all started to fall into place. Taking the risk to shoot for the unknown is never a failure -- it's a brave move.

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Now that there is a little more than a month to marriage, my friends want to know how I knew Jack was the one.

The thing is, I don't know how to answer other than, "I just knew."

That's not helpful to those who are unsure, but that's how it is. It doesn't make me wiser than they are, it just means my timing was right and the doubts were few. Jack and I clicked in a different way than the other clicks I felt.

I didn't have to go over and over the details of Jack with my friends or family. For once in my life, it didn't matter what other people thought about him.

That doesn't mean I don't have concerns or complaints I share with my girlfriends, but I feel more right than wrong.

The more I hear Erin complain about why her man is annoying or embarrassing, I wonder why she is considering a lifetime with him. If he's not right now, he'll be even less right down the road.

If you ask Jack, he says he never had a doubt I was right for him. His struggle was accepting the idea of marriage, the lifetime commitment.

Some people tell me they knew right away, others say they knew when they were ready. It's so individual that there's no way to tell anyone how to get to that point.

But Erin, like so many others, doesn't have to decide right now, no matter how much she wants to know, no matter how much she worries giving up on a marriage option means giving up on marriage. It doesn't matter if she's of marrying age or if someone is asking.

Wanting a relationship to make sense won't make it happen. That doesn't mean it's as magical as the silly love songs make it to be. But battling to make someone right isn't the way to go.

I'm sure Erin will figure out what she wants and if her current beau fits the mold.

She just won't know until she knows, but that's part of the fun and trauma that make relationships worthwhile.

Believe me, now I know.

Laura Lewis is an adventurous 20-something who has loved, lost and doesn't mind sharing. Her column appears every other Thursday.