I have a hard time letting go. I like to hold onto everything and everyone that has ever meant anything to me, especially friends.

But that doesn't mean the people in my life want to do the same.

Sadly, I've been ignored on Facebook. For those of you who have resisted joining this social network longer than I have, that means someone I know doesn't not want to be my cyberspace friend.

I have hundreds of so-called friends on Facebook, which links me to anyone who may have ever gone to the same 7-11 with me at some point in my life. I am "friends" with friends of friends, associates of associates, some people whose names I would have never recalled if they weren't written on their homepages.

I have reconnected with girls on my childhood softball teams, my best friend from fifth grade and my "little sister" from high school. I'm suddenly very popular.

We all are for that matter.

But when I found my college roommate -- and former best bud -- on the site, she decided to ignore me. I sent out my friend request and am still waiting for her to confirm me.

Several years ago, shortly after graduation, we had a falling out. I'm sure she would blame me, and I used to blame her. But now so much time has passed, and I miss her.

I hate that all we share are memories and long to have some relevance in each other's lives. I hear about her from a mutual friend, which makes our breakup -- for lack of a better word -- even harder and less resolved.

As many tidbits as I gather about her current affairs, when it comes down to it we're just not close. The days of e-mailing all day long, chatting on the phone and making plans to hang out are over. I know this, but I still wanted to try.

So when I saw her familiar face on my list of people I might know, I thought, "We can at least keep in touch this way." Facebook wanted us to be friends, and we wouldn't even have to communicate that much if she consented. We could look at each other's photos from afar and perhaps throw out a birthday greeting or, "How you doin'?" now and then.

But I guess that's not what she wants, and it feels like a failure. I have a hard time accepting that someone I want in my life does not want me in hers. She's not an ex-boyfriend, after all.

I realize that some people prefer to leave the past behind them. Maybe being friends with me would bring up some bad feelings, not the warm fuzzy memories I think about.

People move on and, dare I say, don't want me in their new lives. I get it, I get it. So how do I just forget about it?

Facebook and the Internet in general make it hard to delete someone from memory. An ex-boyfriend who I'll never see in person again has a wedding Web site for all to see. Another friend has a Flickr account that my mutual friend sent me the link to.

With everyone's life online, I cannot escape the people who are no longer mine. Not only are they not forgotten but they aren't even gone. I don't have to look at their Web sites or online photo albums, and I don't. Cyberstalker, I am not. But the evidence of their lives without me is there to remind me that we're not friends.

I tend to have these I-miss-her moments every few months, and then I remember that these feelings take away from the friends and people who want to be in my life. I cannot dwell on the online rejections when I have plenty of people staying in touch and fulfilling my life.

So Facebook can be a great way to say hello to people from the past and even communicate with close friends. But it's not necessarily the best way to revisit a failed friendship.

Like any relationship breakup, there is usually a good reason people say goodbye. I need to celebrate the good memories and tuck them away in a virtual box.

Perhaps she will change her mind one day and accept my Facebook friendship. As nice as that would be, it will never replace the real thing, which is gone but never forgotten.

Laura Lewis Brown is the mother of infant twins. Her column appears every other Thursday.