When my kids were born last June, I struggled over whether to return to work after my maternity leave.

Some days I was certain I wanted to be at home; others I heard the nagging voice that I needed a paycheck and a career outside the home.

"You'll never find a good job if you take a break," echoed through my head. I looked at a coworker who took off a few years to raise her children but never quite got to the level she wanted. "She would be a VP if she hadn't stopped working," people would say.

It didn't help that a lot of people assured me that I'd hate being a stay-at-home mom.

"You'll go nuts."

My husband was supportive either way. But when it came down to it, we both wanted one of us to be with the kids in the first several months.

From there I figured I'd just use the opportunity to make a career change. Hold onto my freelance work, but move into a teaching role at a local college, which is something I've always dreamed of doing.

Now those several months are winding down and I started to wonder: When am I going back?

Now, actually. I have been offered work as an adjunct professor at two nearby colleges. I am excited to get started on the next phase of my career, but how am I going to pull it off?

Some days I am lucky to get a shower and find a presentable outfit while my kids giggle at me. They may be laughing at something else, but I sense they know I'm a mess.

Now I'm faced with three dozen or so students who will certainly know I'm a disaster. Most college students can't understand what it means to be a frazzled mom, so my teaching credibility is already at risk.

"Didn't she just wear that shirt last class?" "Are those Cheerios dangling from heir hair?"

As I prepare for my first teaching assignment, stressing over the syllabus and required readings, my husband asks, "Why are you doing this now? Why don't you wait?"

And then I start thinking, "What am I rushing into? The babies are still babies. Won't this new work just take me away from them?"

I'm not going to be working 40-plus hours, but even half that is a ton more non-baby work than I have done lately.

I have friends who love working, yet always feel guilty about the little time they get to spend with their kids. I am lucky I don't have to work, but I also sometimes want to do something beyond the house.

And of course I want to get paid. We have adjusted to life on one salary, making cuts here and there. But it would be nice to get my hair done without feeling extravagant. I would love to head to the store just to pick up something new.

So my time has come and I'm nervous about it. Will I spread myself too thin and do a bad job on both fronts? Will I always be rushing and drop yet another plate in the kitchen as I attempt to prepare a meal amid chaos?

A semester is three-and-a-half months. They could be walking by then, and what if it happens while I'm in class? Will the grandparents and our babysitter witness something important before I do?

I could stress nonstop about this new prospect, but I know we can all make the most of it. I don't intend to let my work get in the way of my kids, but I'm thrilled that I get the chance to be a mom and do some creative work that will enhance my resume at the same time.

If I miss a milestone in those few hours I'm at class, I will just make sure they do it again for me. Maybe I am nuts for staying at home and even more so for trying to work at the same time.

My kids seem to love me nutty, messy, sleepy and all.

Laura Lewis Brown is the mother of infant twins. Her column appears every other Thursday.