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Professor Wrestling: 'WrestleMania 22' Results

Rey Wins Gold, Cena Retains

POSTED: 5:41 pm EST March 30, 2006

Listen up!

Class is in session.

'WresleMania 22' is in the books, and all I can say is, "Go Rey Mysterio!" The underdog won his triple-threat match against Randy Orton and Kurt Angle, becoming the new World Heavyweight champion! I guess Vince McMahon isn't Satan after all.

So what else happened? Let's get to it. Remember, in this column, on Friday's I offer what I think should happen followed by what will happen -- my official prediction for how WWE writers will go in the end. After the pay-per-view, I then tell you what did happen, and brag afterwards -- basking in my own genius.

Get it? Got it? Good. Here's how the card played out:

Playboy Pillow Fight Match: Candice Michelle vs. Torrie Wilson
What Should Happen: Feathers!

What Will Happen: Candice, the current Playboy cover girl, will win. Let's just pray Vince doesn't taint this with an appearance from Mae Young, the Fabulous Moolah, Cyndi Lauper or Goldust.

What Did Happen: Torrie Wilson won somehow. It was all a blur, as silicon met silicon.

Hardcore Match: Edge vs. Mankind
What Should Happen: Edge should be WWE Champion. He did a great job in that role. What should happen is that he gives Foley a good whuppin' and gets back in the title picture.

What Will Happen: Lita will be the difference, interfering on Edge's behalf. This has the potential to be a match of the year candidate, depending on how much Foley has left.

What Did Happen: Edge slammed Foley through a flaming table for the win. Very good stuff.

Casket Match: Mark Henry vs. The Undertaker
What Should Happen: If we're lucky, this won't last long because the World's Strongest Man is among the World's Worst Wrestlers. He's just too slow. UT could carry him to a good match, but I'm not holding my breath. The deadman should win cleanly to keep his WM unbeaten streak alive.

What Will Happen: The only real lock on the card. UT takes it. Henry is lucky to be in this showcase.

What Did Happen: UT gave MH a tombstone piledriver, and rolled him into the big box. Taker is 14-0 at "WrestleMania." I should have flown to Vegas.

Handicap Match: The Boogeyman vs. Booker T and Sharmell
What Should Happen: Booker T is a good sport to go along with this. He should be in a championship mix, but his versatility in being able to pull off comedy makes him that much more valuable, much like Kurt Angle. In short, he can work any program. This one, with his wife, has been a hoot so far. As for the match, the smart thing is for no clear winner here so Booker T and Boogey can retain their heat -- especially Boogey, my new favorite!

What Will Happen: I think Boogeyman will win, but by pinning Sharmell. He may even "abduct" her to prolong the storyline.

What Did Happen: Boogey won, by pinning Booker T. He did the abduction thing on "Smackdown!" last Friday, before WM22. He did give Booker's wife a kiss, though -- while chomping on a mouthful of worms. That's why they call it sports "entertainment" kids.

United States Championship Match: Chris Benoit (c) vs. John Bradshaw Layfield
What Should Happen: At least these two are fighting for something, even if the title is beneath both of them. I say Stone Cold Steve Austin should come out and slap around JBL a bit. Benoit can take it easy for once.

What Will Happen: I say Benoit will retain after some Austin interference.

What Did Happen: JBL rolled out of a crippler crossface and pinned Benoit for the title -- grabbing some ropes to win. No sign of Stone Cold. Nice victory for a great heel, but I wanted more.

No Holds Barred Match: Vince McMahon vs. Shawn Michaels
What Should Happen: In this match, Bret Hart should run down to ringside and help Shawn win, sticking it to his old boss, Vincent K. Hart doesn't have to wrestle, but just be in the mix. It would be a great "WrestleMania" moment.

What Will Happen: HBK will win with an assist from the Hitman.

What Did Happen: No Bret tonight. But the Spirit Squad and Shane McMahon made the scene. This match was fantastic, as Michaels jumped off a ladder onto VKM, who was lying on a table with a trash can over his head. With that spot, HBK again stole the show, and won the match.

World Tag Team Championship Match: Kane and Big Show (c) vs. Carlito and Chris Masters
What Should Happen: I'd have the heels win here. While WWE is teasing a feud between Carlito and Masters, I'd keep the team together and have Show and Kane chase them for a while. That keeps all four of these guys busy, and it puts a little more importance on these belts.

What Will Happen: Carlito gets the pin over Big Show. Bad guys win gold.

What Did Happen: Masters accidentally hit Carlito, costing them the match. Show/Kane retained.

WWE Women's Championship Match: Trish Stratus (c) vs. Mickie James
What Should Happen: The loopy James should and will win here. This, for the record, is regarded as "the most anticipated WWE Women's title match in history." If so, let's hope they give it more than four minutes (but less than 20) to see if these two can pull off a good match on the big stage.

What Will Happen: Next to the UT/Henry match, this is a lock. James wins cleanly.

What Did Happen: It was a lock, as James won cleanly. But Trish blew a move at the end, which kind of ruined an otherwise OK match.

'Money In The Bank' Ladder Match: Shelton Benjamin vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Ric Flair vs. Finley vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Matt Hardy
What Should Happen: This is so easy for me, it hurts. The only thing that should happen is that Flair should grab the suitcase suspended over the ring, which has a heavyweight title match contract inside.

What Will Happen: It's hard not to pick Benjamin or Lashley in this one, but I'm sticking with Flair to snag the suitcase.

What Did Happen: I'm not too thrilled with this result. Flair didn't win, RVD did. I guess it makes sense since there's another WWW/ECW pay-per-view coming up. Van Dam can cash in his shot at that point, which makes for a built-in main event.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Kurt Angle (c) vs. Randy Orton vs. Rey Mysterio
What Should Happen: Earlier this year, I kindly asked Mr. McMahon to allow Rey to win the gold. Mr. McMahon read that column, and promptly said to himself, "Dang, that Professor Wrestling guy is right. Rey is the way to go!"

What Will Happen: While Angle has Orton on the verge of tapping out, Rey will hit Angle with the 619 and the pin. The little guy is your champ.

What Did Happen: Angle was tossed out onto the floor, and Rey hit Orton with a 619 for the win. Great moment. Thanks for reading the column, Vince.

WWE Championship Match: John Cena (c) vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley
What Should Happen: If I were writing the script, Triple H would win, and then be challenged by Flair -- my pick to win the "Money In The Bank" ladder match. Flair beats a weakened Hunter to become a 17-time World Champion to close out a great show. That, kids, would be a fantastic finish.

What Will Happen: I'm picking Hunter to win, with the hope he drops the belt to Flair as soon as possible.

What Did Happen: Even though he was booed by the Chicago crowd, Cena forced HHH to tap out in the end, retaining his belt. I'm hoping he drops it to Flair as soon as possible. But I hear HHH-Cena is also the main event at the next "Raw" pay-per-view. Sigh.

That's it. My "WresleMania 22" picks. For the record, I had six right, and five wrong on this night. That's still batting more than .500, and that still puts me in the Hall of Fame.

As for the winner of our "WrestleMania 22" contest, Matthew Webb from Norwalk, Iowa, gets the victory! He called seven matches out of the required eight correctly, and nailed five finishes, including the Rey Mysterio and Cena wins. Way to go, Matt! Thanks to all of you who e-mailed me your picks. God willing, we'll do it again next year.

With that, only two words to go: Class dismissed!

(Professor Wrestling is a masked employee of Internet Broadcasting. Got a question, comment, complaint? E-mail him right here.)

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